Week 1 - The Fallout

I told everyone on Tuesday and Wednesday, and then uninstalled Whatsapp, Facebook and Instagram on Wednesday evening.

Summary

During this first week my mind is "glitching" a lot. I use that word because I don't know how else to describe it. It's like a notification, inside my own mind, where my inner voice says "Whatsapp Facebook Instagram"

I also want to clear something up as I live through this challenge... I know that all the social media apps are valuable, and at times have given me great value. My concern is, over the years they've subtly altered the technology to make it more addictive so we are all spending too long checking and "over communicating". When I say "over communicating", I don't mean over sharing or giving too much information, but that some things could be saved for real life. For example, I saw my neighbours cat doing something really funny, and my urge was to take a photo and text her. Instead I told her when I next saw her, no photo needed, and we had a little giggle. Perfect and fun real life communication about "King Gus". Are all cats kings? To play the devils' advocate, sometimes I love receiving cat photos, but what if all of us are sending and receiving too much nonsense?

This week I spent some time admiring fly agaric mushrooms in the woods. Mycelium are intimately connected with the world around them via a magical form of plant intelligence. Just like us, we are all so perfectly connected, perhaps our phones disrupt that in some way? This week my mind has naturally drifted to different connections, I hold so many people around the world dear in my heart.

Our phones are a tool to organise in real life events, but too many of use are on our phones too much and avoiding life, our feelings and our creativity.

Also, I want to say sorry to my friends and family who are inconvenienced by my project. I promise it will be worth it! I need this time

Day 1 - Thursday

My family are annoyed at me for deleting Whatsapp. I totally get it because it's one of the main ways we communicate.

I get a flashback of when I quit drinking and told those close to me. I was met with "Why so dramatic? You don't need to make a big deal about it".

I remember going to the pub for the first time sober and my friend asking me "If you're not drinking, then why are you here". And I answered "To see you, why are you here?"

I am experiencing mental glitches where on both my phone and my laptop I'm reaching to check things. My mind glitches "Whatsapp" "Instagram" "Facebook" And then I remember I don't have them, and feel a sense of relief.

Not having social media makes me more keenly aware of my current artistic grief and confusion, as I navigate my next steps as an artist and teacher. I used to be a professional dancer, and my fitness is below par right now. I feel sad about that.

Day 2 - Friday

I check my phone in the way a smoker punctuates their day with cigarettes. For distraction and for a hit.

Everyone can understand me being off Facebook and Instagram, but Whatsapp?

I'm actually starting to think that Whatsapp might be the most addictive and useless of them all.

Day 3 - Saturday

More unsolicited advice about Whatsapp;

"Why don't you just check it once per day?"

"Why don't you mute your groups"

I have tried all these things. Yet still when I check my screen time, hours per week get swallowed by Whatsapp.

I arrive home to a handwritten letter from my lovely neighbour, and fellow mother, who inspired this project. Camilla took it to an even more impressive level than me and switched to a dumb phone. In her letter she says ;

"I feel like I know a secret that other's don't living without a phone: the secret of time with my thoughts and to being outside the spider's web of connectivity. It can feel quite thrilling!"

Day 4 - Sunday

What other things do I do unintentionally? I've become unintentional with the music I listen to. I've decided to unsubscribe from Apple Music for this 90 days too. Today I bought a CD player from the boot fair, and a Disney CD. My son loves it!

In the evening I start to get "checky". Usually on sunday evening I have a lot of things to check on Whatsapp, lots of messages about the week ahead. My text message inbox is empty. I feel edgy.

I think about when I used to love getting high smoking weed. The thing about getting high is it feels really good, but then you have to come down. But your phone doesn't even feel good, you don't even get high. You just feel numb and blank and then you come down. What a stupid cycle.

Day 5 - Monday

I go to a class with my son, with parents watching from the side. My son isn't listening to the instructor and I have to join in to support him. When I finally get him settled, I go and sit down with the parents. I go to lock eyes and chat, but they are all looking......at their phones.

I hand out flyers about my book in town, I am met with warmth and curiosity.

It's the evenings where I feel really strange. After my son's bed time. I didn't realise how much of my time my phone was taking. I've been spending my evenings; going to bed really early, dancing to my favourite music, practising yoga nidra, writing. I have a lot more time.

Day 6 - Tuesday

Today I feel bleugh.

I'm on my laptop, and the urge to procrastinate is so strong. My mind keeps glitching Facebook Facebook FACEBOOK.

This morning I started to re-string my guitar.

The bleugh feeling persists until the evening, eventually I picked up my guitar.

I learnt to play one of my old songs, and wrote a new one. The bleugh drifted away amongst the guitar chords and melodies.

Like Tracey Emin says "I need art, like I need God"

Day 7 - Wednesday

Nobody likes being bored, because when things are quiet you can hear your own inner voice. If you've ignored that voice for a while, it can be pretty cruel, abrupt, sad or maybe angry.

Once you get quiet and you feel a bit sad, the sadness opens to anger. Once you feel really angry, then you get motivated into action. It feels good to have the inner fire lit.

This morning I put loads of old and unwanted toys and clothes in a charity shop bag. My resolve is coming back. I am starting to get some clarity on where to focus my creative energy and that feels good!